I don't accept limitations

So. My blog title is ridiculous, when you think about it. I don't accept limitations, yet my hearing is a serious, shi**y limitation. It won't ever be cured, it won't ever get better and there's nottttthing I can do about it. I'm 26 and I still can't accept it.

After 'passing' the test at Manchester and thus failing to become a CI candidate, I booked an appointment with a private audiologist. The following things happened. My audiogram was constructed, using earphones and not headphones, a totally different reading for my high frequencies was obtained; no high frequencies were detected in my right ear - which surprised me as in all my previous audiograms they were detected. I had a speech discrimination test done. An AB word list test. This is apparently the benchmark speech discrimination test done in CI assessment centres...... (Single speech sounds are spoken, then words in isolation - the listener repeats back what is heard.) When I described the test that I completed, comprising short sentences his jaw actually dropped and he shook his head, tres amusant. Well, not really - really frustrating to think that the centre had only deployed one testt!! Anyways - AB test, no visual cues with both hearing aids in with no background...

Really not a happy bunny any more. I cannot be bothered to go into great detail with regards to the initial assessment appointment that I had on Monday - here goes. Appointment started at 3. We discussed:  - My hearing history: how long I've worn HAs, what sort of education I've had and whether I felt that my hearing had deteriorated in recent years. - I explained that while I don't think my hearing has changed, my environment has and that I am facing challenging situations on a regular basis which are starting to really make me question whether I function effectively. - She did a hearing test.. y'know, bleep and click the button. Yawn. She then sat me a metre away from a speaker in front of me, slightly elevated and told me to repeat what I heard, left ear only/right ear only and then both. Heard very little with only the left, however I did manage to identify that most - if not all of the sentences began with 'the.' The sentences were all at most 6-...

Today has been exhausting, in a very good way. I’ll try and outline everything that happened; hopefully it will make some sense! Hit the M6 at 6:50 this morning, jittery from a rather strong cup of coffee and trying very hard not to fall asleep...great start there, Abi! I’ll skip forward to Nottingham; nothing I can write can make dawdling down the motorway entertaining in the slightest. Arrived at the Ear Foundation on the stroke of 9, a full hour ahead of the actual start time – I like to be geekily ahead of time for anything. This gave me ample time to read my InStyle and faff about with my makeup in the car whilst watching for signs of life in the (rather nice) building. Eventually went in at 9:25 to be greeted by Lorna, the Family Coordinator for the centre who decorated my top with a rather fetching name tag, very swish indeed! Whilst waiting for the action to begin I sat in the conference room (at the front – as I said, geek) and met another member of staff called Lynd...

Today I had my CT scan, went without a hitch apart from my very loud and sudden ' Jesus Christ! ' when someone unexpectedly tapped me on the shoulders from behind... this was after I had been told to lie still until tapped on the hand. Jesus Christ indeed, scared me senseless! Visited the ENT department to query the cancellation of the follow-up appointment on the 25th. Explained to the rather hapless lady behind the desk that since I was going to Manchester to be assessed on the 30th that an appointment re-scheduled for the 23rd May was completely pointless. "Why?" Well, because they'll have received the CT scan by the time I see them... so any 'follow-up' is pointless? Cue this look of absolute "who do you think you're talking to" and me politely (but firmly) insisting on an appointment before the 30th and lo and behold, an appointment was made for Monday 23rd. Not surprised they cocked up my referral if that's the receptionist'...

Adam Levine is single again! *cue mad hormonal desire and wild flights of fantasy* ahem..... Also, after nearly four weeks of wondering just what the hell was going on with Manchester I have finally sorted out an initial assessment appointment... for April 30th at 3pm. Let's track back... Me, this morning, upon realising it's been a month since my 'referral.': "Wonder why I haven't heard anything from Manchester, why haven't they responded to my emails? Why is a unit for deaf people so obviously rubbish at communicating via email?".. I sent yet another email, to a different person, who then forwarded that email to annnother person, a Consultant thingummy. Consultant thingummy: "Apologies for the delayed reponse to your query. **** has passed your email onto me today. I have had a look through our records and it does not seem we have received your referral as yet so I would recommend chasing your ENT consultant to make sure it was sent or ...

Hmmmmmmm, I wonder what you'll think of this? Link to programme So, I watched the above programme this morning and found it very thought provoking. I'll just put up a load of bullet points as my thoughts are rather sleep deprived at the moment! 1 - The most telling part of the programme for me was when her daughter got up and left the signing session, went and sat down and stuck her head in her hands. Guessing she really didn't enjoy having something shoved in her face and being confronted with someone who communicates in a way that is totally unfamiliar and scary. That made me think "hang on, she's not stupid, she knows she struggles" - and so when Rita met with the mother who explained about communication breakdowns it clicked into place. The little girl, at the age of five, has already developed a front - glossing over misunderstandings and distracting people with her 'all singing all dancing' nature. I think it was a shock for her mum to real...